


please, let me get what I want

by neptunerising



Category: Hunter X Hunter
Genre: First Kiss, Getting Together, M/M, One Shot, Pining Gon Freecs, Post-Canon, can the pining be pining but also feelings realization?, fluff?, this is basic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-16
Updated: 2021-02-16
Packaged: 2021-03-18 05:47:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,317
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29484687
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/neptunerising/pseuds/neptunerising
Summary: Gon opens his eyes, smile growing as he spots Killua heading toward him, lazily stepping through the leaves Gon already disturbed.  A knot forms somewhere in Gon’s chest, brief and intense, as he takes in Killua’s dark jeans and hooded purple sweater, hair still hanging over his eyes like it did when they met, always hiding the prettiest blue Gon’s ever seen.
Relationships: Gon Freecs/Killua Zoldyck
Comments: 21
Kudos: 114





	please, let me get what I want

**Author's Note:**

> So this is my first Gon/Killua fic. Recently have gotten into Hunter x Hunter and now I'm obsessed.  
> It's the first thing I've written in a long time so it's rusty, but it's something and I'm happy to have written anything at all. 
> 
> Loosely based on the kiss prompt: An unexpected kiss that shocks the one receiving it

The park is cold and almost empty, the ground covered in a mess of oranges, reds and yellows, a swift breeze chilling Gon’s bare arms and legs as he steps through the vibrant leaves. The last time he was here, it was with Killua by his side, while the two of them waited and hoped for Kurapika to show. 

Now Gon enters the park alone, and hopes Killua has the time to show. Years, commitments, and mismatched schedules have kept them from spending as much time together as Gon wants. It’s frustrating, but Gon is just happy that they are in the same city, which drastically tips the chances of them having time to meet in his favor. 

Hiking his backpack higher up on his shoulders, he heads for the center of the open area, where a fountain sits dried up and out-of-use for the season. He drops down on the overgrown edge, weeds and dry grass tickling the backs of his legs, and waits. 

Waiting used to be unbearable for Gon, but he’s worked hard on building his patience. Pulling his legs up and crossing them under himself, Gon closes his eyes and breathes in the cool air. Meditation isn’t new for him, but he’s discovered a new state of peace that he never understood while studying Nen under Wing. It stops his fingers and toes from shifting uncontrollably, soothes the itch to _go go go_ that was an overwhelming companion in his lonely childhood. It’s still a challenge, especially when he’s this eager, but the tricks he’s learned to keep his restlessness in check are always possible, no matter where he is. 

  
  


Still, as much as he’s accomplished over the last six or so years, the anticipation to see Killua tests him every time. 

“Hey!” 

Gon opens his eyes, smile growing as he spots Killua heading toward him, lazily stepping through the leaves Gon already disturbed. A knot forms somewhere in Gon’s chest, brief and intense, as he takes in Killua’s dark jeans and hooded purple sweater, hair still hanging over his eyes like it did when they met, always hiding the prettiest blue Gon’s ever seen. 

“Killua!” Gon jumps to his feet and bounds across the grass, past the bare trees and worn-down benches that line the walkway, ignoring the way the tightness in his chest grows the closer he gets to his best friend. It’s not the time to think about that feeling, not the time to dwell on where his thoughts about Killua lead him more often than not. 

Throwing himself at Killua, Gon gives everything in his body to this embrace and buries his face in Killua’s shoulder. Warmth and that familiar _Killua_ smell fill his senses, and he inhales deeply, something sour and fearful leaving his gut as Killua chuckles in his ear, flicks it, then wraps his arms around Gon’s back, holding him tight. 

“I missed you. And your smell.” Gon says, unable to hold back that particular feeling-bred thought. “You always smell the same.” 

Killua hums, the sound so close to the shell of Gon’s ear, making him shiver and nuzzle the fabric under his nose. “I smell like chocolate, don’t I?” 

Laughing, Gon pulls back, taking a step away even though he doesn’t want to increase the distance between them. “No, actually. It’s more like clean laundry.” 

“Liar,” Killua says, but Gon catches the softness in his tone and smiles. “You hungry? I’m starving.” 

“Yeah!” 

Just outside the park is a wide corner where several food carts setup daily, and Killua drags Gon to a bright pink one serving scones and Onigiri. It’s a Thursday afternoon, a great time to be out in the park without too many people around. So Gon leads them to the other side of the park, where the trees have grown closer together, keeping most people out of the tangled brush and overgrown weeds, and the angle of the dipping sun doesn’t blind them. 

Gon pulls a blanket from his backpack, shaking it out and settling it on the ground; they spread their food out between them, plop down, then dig in while catching up. 

Though meeting in person is difficult, they still keep in touch regularly through texting, phone calls and video chats. Gon never thought he’d use his cell as much as he does, but every other night he’s up late talking to Killua, falling asleep with Killua’s voice in his ear, fighting to keep his eyes open and not miss a thing Killua has to say. It’s not the same as being in the same space, but it eases the ache that grows in Gon’s chest when he sinks into missing Killua more than anything. 

“Man, I’m _tired,_ ” Killua says, leaning back on his hands and closing his eyes. “You know, Leorio and Kurapika should’ve warned us being twenty would feel like this.” 

Gon giggles. “Like what?” 

“Old!” 

“I don’t feel old,” Gon says. He falls back on his elbows, kicks his legs out, and hoists his hips up until he can prop his lower body up on his palms. With a wide, toothy grin he cycles his legs in the air. “I feel great!” 

Killua rolls his eyes. “Show off.” 

Gon waits for Killua to shove him over, flick him in the forehead- something that would lead to their usual sparring- but Killua simply tips his head back, smiling gently, and looks up at the sky. 

It’s the most peaceful he’s ever seen his best friend. 

Gon rights himself, looking over at Killua carefully. “Did Alluka come with you?” he asks, suddenly missing Alluka’s goofy snort-laugh and her tendency to give hugs for no reason at all. “I haven’t seen her in a long time.” 

“Nah, she stayed home with Kalluto.” 

Gon sits up straight, eyes wide. “ _Kalluto_? You found him!” 

Killua nods. “He’s been with us for a couple weeks,” he says, digging through his front pocket and pulling his cell phone out. “He hasn’t told me about being in the Troupe, but I think he’s been talking to Alluka about it.” 

Killua and Alluka started searching for Kalluto a couple years ago, when they heard that many of the Phantom Troupe members were killed on the Black Whale headed out to the dark continent. Gon hated seeing Alluka cry when they spent so much time trying to find the slightest hint of a lead, unable to help or do anything besides comfort the two siblings. 

“Here,” Killua hands his phone over to Gon, and on the screen is a picture of Alluka in a purple sundress and a thin person with bright pink eyes. They’re in a kitchen with a partially frosted cake up on a platter in front of them. The bright pink eyes belong to Kalluto, of course, and the irritated look at the person taking the picture reminds Gon of Killua so much that he can’t help but laugh. 

“You guys have the same glare,” Gon says, laughing when Killua gives him the exact look he means. “You take such good care of them. They look happy.” 

A bit of pink colors Killua’s cheeks, and Gon’s heart does a funny little skip in his chest. 

Killua sighs, pulls his legs up against his chest and rests his chin on his knees. “He deserves a shot. Like, a _real_ chance. I think Illumi made Kalluto join the troupe, so it’s not completely his fault, ya know?” 

Gon nods, listening. 

“Maybe if my older brothers had a chance like me, they’d be different,” Killua goes on, his eyes staring off, distant but not in the way they used to be when they were kids. They’re not so unreachable now, or unreadable. “Alluka’s lucky, in a way. She wasn’t around my mom or Illumi. Not like me and Kalluto. If being away from them is what he needs, then he can have that. With us.” 

Gon waits a moment for Killua to continue, and when he doesn’t, Gon reaches out, fingers grazing Killua’s shoulder, lingering. “You’re amazing, Killua. I’m so happy for you three.” 

Blue eyes turn to Gon, and his breath catches in his throat. Wait, Killua has looked at him like this before, hasn’t he? Open and fond, with none of the mystery that intrigued Gon when they first met. Now, it’s something else that pulls him in and keeps him hooked. A big, important _something_ that’s been growing steadily over the years, with roots deep in his skin and heart. 

“Nah,” Killua brushes Gon’s words off with a shrug. “They just didn’t get to meet someone like you.” 

Gon blinks, still listening but unable to look away from Killua’s steady gaze. “What do you mean?” 

Killua huffs, chuckling. He sticks his leg out, nudging Gon’s knee with the toe of his clean shoe. “You know, someone who says embarrassing things.” 

“You want me to tell your brothers they’re amazing?” 

Killua snorts, shoulders shaking as he laughs. “No way!” Gon watches him, mesmerized, barely noticing when Killua tries to shove him over, revenge for making him cackle so hard he can barely catch his breath. “Oh man, I almost want to see Milluki’s face if someone said that to him.” 

“Is it that funny?” Gon teases. 

“It’s hilarious!”

Gon doesn’t think so, but he’s not about to say that and spoil Killua’s fun. It’s better like this, to simply watch Killua. And it’s not the right time, but Gon is suddenly aware of the tightness squeezing inside him, an ache that comes on strong when he thinks of Killua. Misses Killua. Talks to Killua on the phone and listens to him think out loud. It’s similar to the itch he gets when he’s excited to try something new. Similar, but different enough that he can’t pinpoint what it means. Of course, he wants to travel with Killua again, get used to being in each other’s space again. So… is that it? Is it because he wants it so bad? 

Killua’s laughter dies away, leaving faint patches of red high on his cheeks. “Okay, okay, sorry,” he says, leaning back on his hands again. “I’m not making fun of you.” 

Well, Gon really doesn’t mind if Killua mocks him; he knows it’s not serious. “I know.” 

Quiet settles over them, around them, and Gon can’t ignore this thing anymore. It’s too big, ready to spill out of him, and he doesn’t know what to do- 

“Gon.” 

Gon’s thoughts come to a sudden halt, and relief floods through him. He was close to blowing a fuse. “...Yeah?” 

Killua sighs, rubs at the back of his neck, a nervous tick Gon learned to recognize long ago. “Thanks.” 

“What for?”

It’s obvious Killua struggles with what to say next, but he pushes through. “Nothing. Just-” He groans, curling in on himself. “Just don’t ever change, okay?”

No, no that’s all wrong. Gon has a lot of things he still needs to work on. A lot about himself he wants to improve, and it’s going to take more work to get it all done. Killua’s the one who should never change. Never stop being so incredible and smart and talented. Kind. Caring. Giving. Selfless. Beautiful- 

Gon inhales, a short, sharp breath. Killua _is_ beautiful; on the outside, of course, it’s obvious. But his heart is beautiful, too. The best thing about him. He gives and gives and _gives_ , and Gon wants to give Killua everything in return. 

_Oh._

“Killua,” Gon says, sudden and loud, turning to his closest friend. His heart is pulsing hard, fluttering fast. 

“Hm?” 

Their eyes meet, and the pit of Gon’s stomach swims wonderfully. “Killua…” 

Killua’s brow curves, curious. “What?” 

Gon scoots closer, closer than he’s ever been to Killua. Lifting his hand, he slides his palm over Killua’s jaw, draws him in, and brings their mouths together, soft. He doesn’t even consider closing his eyes, so he has a full view of Killua’s stunned, wide-eyed look. And before Gon can backtrack, Killua pulls away, a harsh breath leaving his lips as he stares at Gon. 

“Killua,” Gon whispers, moving back and away, choking back the sob that forms suddenly, threatening to burst from his throat. No, no no no Killua can’t look at him like _that._ He can’t hurt Killua again. “I’m... _dammit._ I’m so sorry!” 

What does he do? Gon’s instinct is to curl in, look away, and hope that Killua doesn’t hate him. Or push him away. Or tell him to get lost and never talk to him again. But. But Killua wouldn’t… right? No. Maybe. Killua wouldn’t abandon him-

Fingers graze Gon’s knuckles; they’re going white under the strain of his grip, tight on the hem of his shorts. He relaxes his hold, enough to allow Killua’s hands to slip into his. 

“Gon,” Killua says his name gently, giving Gon’s fingers a brief but relieving squeeze. “Will you look at me?” 

Gon does. 

Killua is quiet for a moment, simply looking at Gon, like he’s trying to figure something out before he speaks. “I want you to answer something.” 

“Okay,” Gon agrees, willing his stomach to settle down and his heart to stop beating so fast. “Anything.” 

“What’s going on in your head right now?” 

He doesn’t hesitate. “I’m scared.” 

“Of what?” 

“You. Leaving. Hating me.” 

Killua frowns. “You really think I’d hate you over a kiss?” 

“No,” Gon pauses, glancing away. “But, I didn’t ask if it was okay, and that was selfish and thoughtless of me. I really am sorry, Killua. I didn’t do it to hurt you.” 

Voice tight, Killua asks, “Why did you do it?” 

“I wanted to.” _So bad_ , Gon doesn’t add.

Killua hasn’t moved away, and hasn’t let go of Gon’s hands. His thumb is running over the back of Gon’s fingers, a grounding touch. “And you _just_ decided that?” 

“No!” Gon exclaims, bringing their clasped hands up and closer to him, close enough for him to press a kiss to Killua’s palms if he had permission. “I did just figure it out, that’s true. But, I’ve felt it for a while.” 

Silence follows Gon’s words. He looks away, down at his knees and his hands, still held tight in Killua’s grip. They’re shaking, not much, but enough for Gon to want to pull them away.

Killua lets out a sigh. “Idiot,” he says, and weaves their fingers together. “It’s just like you to go in for a kiss right away.” 

Gon lifts his eyes, relief stretching through him at the warmth in Killua’s smile. “I guess I need to work more on thinking first, huh?” 

“Definitely,” Killua murmurs, and he’s suddenly right in Gon’s space, pulling Gon in, unlacing their fingers only to cup Gon’s face in his palms. His breath is light, a brief sweep over Gon’s bottom lip that tugs low in his stomach. “I never thought you’d want anything like this. Not with me. Someone else, maybe.” 

“No way,” Gon almost laughs, because who else is there? There’s no one out there like Killua. “Only Killua.” 

“Weirdo,” Killua says, but he’s smiling, and it’s unlike any smile Gon’s ever seen on Killua before. “And you’re sure you want this?” 

“Yes, I want it,” Gon whines, hands hovering around Killua’s waist, eager to yank Killua closer. “Killua, _please_ \- if you want this too, please kiss me.” 

“ _Fuck_ ,” Killua breathes. “Gon, I do. I want you.” 

They both move in, and Gon doesn’t know if he’s doing this right, but he doesn’t care, because Killua’s mouth is all heat and shivery breath against his. He’s quickly lost to Killua’s touch, shuddering when Killua’s fingers glide into the hair at the base of his neck, groaning when Killua tips his head just enough for their lips to slide together. 

Gon’s been kissed before, light pecks from dates on Whale Island that were more casual than anything, but none, not even the ones that lingered and tried to push for more, have ever felt like this. This is sparks in his chest, tingles that erupt where Killua touches him, heat where he pushes his hands under Killua’s clothes and runs them over scarred skin. It’s overwhelming his senses, flooding him with all the things he never truly knew he wanted from Killua. 

Killua pulls back, just enough to breathe, and Gon’s eyes open, slow and lazy and soaking in the flush coating Killua’s cheeks. Just as he’s reaching up, hoping to run the pad of his thumb over that sweet blush, Killua slips his legs over Gon’s hips, settles in his lap, and kisses him harder than before. Gon’s breath catches, and he grips Killua tighter, closer, mouth opening up to taste more, feel more. Take everything that Killua is willing to give him. The world tilts, and the ground meets Gon’s back, Killua’s weight pressing him down. Keeping Gon caught between his body and the blanket. And really, there’s nowhere else Gon would rather be. If Killua wants to hold him down like this, then Gon wants it too. 

“Gon,” Killua whines his name, mouth moving away, down, dragging over his jaw and the skin of his throat. “This okay?” 

Gon nods, clutching at Killua’s back, sighing at the press of lips over his collarbone. “Yeah, please,” he says, his voice coming out strained. “It’s nice.” 

Teeth scrape the hollow of his throat, and Gon can’t hold back the moan that spills from him. The need to touch Killua flares to life; he tips Killua over and crawls on top of him, pressing between Killua’s legs, settling in where he fits perfectly. And the sound Killua makes- it’s open and breathless, and goes straight down to join the heat pooling low in Gon’s stomach. Then Killua’s hand is hot against his side, sneaking under his shirt, touching him, nails scratching light over bare skin, and Gon has to kiss him, press against him, push his hips down- 

Killua pulls back, turning away from Gon’s mouth, breathless. “Wait, we gotta stop,” he gasps, hands coming up to cover the red flooding his cheeks. “Dammit.” 

Gon backs off a bit, still hovering over Killua, but holding still. “Sorry,” he breathes, and lowers his head to rest on Killua’s shoulder. “Don’t wanna be pushy.” 

“You’re not being pushy.” Killua gently nudges him, wriggling in an attempt to get free. “Let me up.” 

Rolling off, Gon wills his heart to slow down, staring up at the reddish-pink clouds of the approaching sunset. There’s nothing he wants more than to keep kissing Killua, and the desire is so intense that he has to shut his eyes and take deep, slow breaths. 

“Gon, I’m not doing this unless we do it right,” Killua begins, pulling Gon’s attention back to the boy beside him. “I can’t stand talking about this embarrassing stuff, but we’ve had a hell of a lot more problems between us _because_ we both don’t talk about anything.” 

Gon knows this. It’s why they were both hurt when they parted ways years ago, and didn’t get around to admitting it until they saw each other again. 

Pushing himself up, Gon scoots close to Killua’s side, resists the need to wrap an arm around him and pull Killua against him. “You’re right,” he says, thoughtful. “I’ll just tell you exactly how I feel.” 

Killua rolls his eyes, nodding. “Like you don’t most of the time anyway,,” he says, then gets to his feet and stands up to his full height, gesturing for Gon to follow him. “Let’s go to my hotel and talk there. I need to video call Alluka and Kalluto, and doing this out in the open is weird.” 

Gon smiles, jumps up and starts packing up his things. “Can I say hi to them?” 

“Of course, dummy.” 

As they head off toward Killua’s hotel, side by side, Gon tangles their fingers together between them. Killua’s blush returns, redder than before, and Gon chuckles, holding on tight. 

**Author's Note:**

> If you liked it let me know <3 I'm on tumblr at [ neptuneking](https://neptuneking.tumblr.com/)


End file.
